I Want My Ex Girlfriend Back

Nothing can feel worse than being in a breakup, that blow of a relationship ending.

It’s a bruising pain because of the cruel thoughts that breakups create, those thoughts that feel like splinters:

“How can I get her back? Would she even take me back?”
“…how will I win her back before she meets someone else?!”

Well the good news I can tell you right now, is that winning your ex back is certainly possible – and with the right steps it can even happen quicker than you might think.

What you need right now to help you – is a solid gameplan!

You need a set of steps which (when implemented correctly), will not only remind your ex girlfriend of how good you two were together, but will also make sure she wants you back more than anyone else.

So, to help with this – I’ve put together this guide on some crucial steps that will help you win your ex-girlfriend back.

These steps will:

• Boost your value so your ex finds you irresistible again!
• Ensure that you both heal properly after the breakup, to make sure when you do get back together it isn’t for only one week;
• Give you the skills to make sure you’re the alpha male she can’t help but fall for;
• …and more!

There is plenty of information to get through, so let’s get going!

Step 1 – Boost Your Own “Attractiveness Value” (This is Crucial!)

Guys are so lucky when getting an ex back. You can boost your value in so many ways, before drawing her back in…

Right now, your attractiveness value has bottomed out.

That sounds harsh, I know – but in your ex-girlfriend’s mind, it’s true. Your value (a key part of what drew you to her), is quite low.

This will be true no matter which way the relationship ended, btw. Either:

She broke up with you = lower value: “I knew things weren’t going the way I wanted, so I took the step to end things.”

You broke up with her = lower value: “How could he hurt me like that!? I thought we were special and happy together.” Note that this would also cover situations where she was hurt by cheating, etc.

Right now you’re sitting here with much less value than you would’ve had before… which needs to be fixed!

So how do we get your value back up, so your ex can’t wait to get back into a relationship with you?

First – What Kind of Value Are We Talking About Here?

So at the top of this post, I hinted at the fact that men can increase their attractiveness value much easier than women can. This is just a fact, and a very good one for you that’ll work in your favour massively.

It’s no secret that for men, a high value women (in addition to being clever, caring, funny, and supportive, and so on!) is one that is young and attractive.

No time to start questioning this one guys, it’s true. It’s also been the way we’re wired for millions of years. This isn’t something you’re going to change anytime soon.

BUT, the useful thing here is that women are not wired the same way, as I’m sure you might have heard.

The quick version of this is that men admire most highly, health and beauty because this will give the highest chance of healthy children, who are in turn attractive to the next generation. Women chase after high value and status males, who they believe can best provide for them and any children they could have together with enough food and support to keep them all safe and healthy.

Why? Both of these things for both men and women (again – hard-wired deep into your DNA and subconscious), give the best chance of thriving offspring who will survive and grow comfortably, passing on your genes to the next generation.

These hard-wired values aren’t going anywhere anytime soon either.

Notice that for guys though, these are things that can be improved by deliberate action to work on yourself.

Women just don’t have that option. Sure women can accentuate beauty with makeup, clothes and the like. But to substantially change their look takes drastic measures!

This is why it’s so much easier for men to increase their attractiveness. These attractive traits are largely mental and personality-based after all. Two things you can definitely work on and improve.

For a lot of guys (most guys even) it can be a real mind bender to try and get their heads around the fact that appearance is not the most important thing to women.

After all – guys all think like… well, like a guy does!

Guys always think that their value is tied to their attractiveness. This makes sense because, after all:

When valuing women, men put a lot of focus on looks, so they assume that women will be doing the same to them.

Say for guys – 70% of value in what they want in a woman is looks.

For women though, looks and physical appearance could be 40% or so! For women, it’s all about the status – that’s where the attraction is at.

So the truth is, that although appearance does play a part in a woman’s estimation of a guys value, it isn’t rated AS highly as is it for guys who are valuing women.

This isn’t to say that it’s not important at all (I mean, of course it matters to an extent so this isn’t an excuse to be a slob), but it doesn’t make up as heavy an amount of importance for women. This is the crucial part that means men have a much easier route to improving their attractiveness – great news for you here.

Increase Your Value To Captivate Your Ex

So what types of things am I talking about improving here – can you work on your kill score on the newest FPS game? Well, that’s not quite the areas I’m talking about improving, no.

You will obviously need to work on the areas of life and attributes that women find attractive naturally.

So what can you improve? Any of these are good candidates:

Your work and career

In modern days this is the best way to boost your ‘provider status’ – by going after an improvement in your career. If you don’t think about boosting your career being something you can do in terms of a direct promotion, or moving to a better company right now – then even starting a training course to create a path ahead for good things to happen can be enough.

Broadening out your social circle

This is one of those things that plays well with being a good provider. After all if you can easily make new friends, this means that you would have more resources at your control.

You’d have more people to help you if you needed it, more people to give you other opportunities and stand up for you if you needed it. Growing you social circle is another very attractive thing, and something that boosts your value easily.

Improve your fitness

Also, your your physical strength comes under this one. This one is a bit of a no-brainer, and you could look to include something that improves your fitness levels no matter what your goal is with your ex! A healthier you will be a happier you after all, and more attractive to all women.

Join a new club

Alternatively, take up a new hobby, or even revive an old one. Taking a new hobby on is a great sign that you’re an interesting person who wants to explore new things.

Not all hobbies are created equal though in terms of being attractive. If you wanted to take up ice fishing (while not trying to rag on a specific hobby!) that isn’t the type of hobby that will help spike interest in your ex.

Hobbies that are social, physical, and even require leadership skills are perfect here. A good example is dancing – not only is this a physically taxing hobby, building both fitness and coordination – it is by most people’s standards a sexy hobby. Your ex would also be picturing you with a lot of other women dancers, which might help trigger some useful jealousy for you!

Any of these ideas work to boost your attractiveness, especially if it’s a physical, or outgoing hobby. Start learning a new language, take up an interest in travelling and expanding your knowledge of other areas, all of these would be good.

Any of these ideas work to boost your attractiveness, especially if it’s a physical, or outgoing hobby. Start learning a new language, take up an interest in travelling and expanding your knowledge of other areas, all of these would be good.

The fact that guys can always increase their attractiveness is core and essential to this plan of getting your ex-girlfriend back. This point has always been true. A guy’s attractiveness is mostly about the perceived value of the man, along with his behaviour and qualities.

“Women admire a partner who is always improving themselves, even in small ways.”

As it’s been said – women want a partner who is always improving – you have to push to be that man for her. Be the guy that is always trying get better in every aspect that you can. Not only is being driven a very attractive trait, it will make you feel more satisfied and complete in your own life as well.

Giving the impression that you have a lot of exciting things going on is something that is powerful, while at the same time is easy to achieve.

Another benefit of doing this is that you will have less time and energy to think about your ex girlfriend (or at times even reply to her!) she might be guessing that you’re busy doing more exciting things). Limiting the communication with your ex will only convey you have more interesting do to with your time.

These Changes Don’t Have To Be Huge!

When I mention these topics to guys, some think I mean they need to start making massive changes. I’m not meaning that, and as we’ll find out later in this article, it isn’t even a big change that is needed. Just an effective change at the right time. You don’t have to move the world, you just have to make a start.

Take up something that shows you are growing in life and thinking about your future. Don’t stress on making this a massive change! Don’t need to pump all your savings into starting your own business, even going to a free meetup will be enough, as long as it is a push in the right direction for you.

Women are very in tune to a person’s attitudes, and easily tell if you’re getting that more attractive ‘status level’. So bear that in mind, I’m not suggesting any massive changes – just little improvements you feel you can keep going for the long-term.

Step 2 – Cool Things Down With Some Space

Some space, and time apart, is good for both you and your ex-girlfriend right now. This is true for both of you, regardless of how the relationship ended.

Ok, so let’s assume that you’re currently piecing your life and daily routine back together after the breakup at this point. The usual approach that guys (or anyone for that matter) tend to go for at this point is staying more in touch with their ex-partners.

This is quite common because you might be thinking the best step you can take at this point is to stay in her mind even more!. Surely you can get her to regret the breakup then in that case, right?

“If I can stay active in her life, I can stop her from moving on, and win her back all at the same time! Simple!”

Eh… not so fast. The trouble is, this approach rarely (if ever) works.

It takes a lot of time for someone to be truly ‘forgotten’ from someone’s life after a relationship, no matter what you might be thinking.

Don’t worry, we’ll be going over how to get back in touch later on. For just now though, just realise that you’ll be doing yourself much more favours to give you both a bit of breathing space just now and stay away.

Most of the points below revolve around the idea of not lowering your value in your ex-girlfriend’s mind. These things can do more harm than good.

Now, don’t panic if you find that you have been doing any of these things. Just think of these as a wake-up call, and actions that you can now look to trim out of your daily life!

Take yourself out of her life for just now. Note that I didn’t say forever here, but for now – give yourself both a bit of time and space, don’t try to get in touch – let the situation between the two of you breathe for a bit.

Just after a breakup, emotions are going to be hot and heavy. Trying to keep communication going during this ‘feeling heavy’ time is always going to lead to heated discussions more than anything else. Neither of you will be able

If you’re also going to force yourself into her life, and to stay there, you’re not giving her any opportunity to miss you. This will happen if you give her some space. As is often said – absence makes the heart grow fonder.

We often take for granted what someone else is bringing into our lives. This is true for your ex as well – even if she’s left thinking there is nothing but stress between the two of you recently. There will be things that she used to go to you for (and you alone!) to calm her down, reassure her, and even cheer her up after she had a bad day.

Taking this support system away from her will remove some of the negative thoughts she has lingering about the two of you, while at the same time making her realise what your strongest qualities were and how she actually used to depend on them, and you, more than she was allowing herself to admit!

The biggest response I get to this point when I tell guys to go through a ‘no-contact’ period with their ex is either:

• What do I do if she forgets me… I’ll be starting from nothing!
• What if she moves on and starts dating someone else?!

So let’s go through these points so I can put your mind at ease.

”What do I do if she forgets me… I’ll be starting from nothing!“

First of all, people do not forget an ex partner they have been in a relationship with, or even move on in any real way for that matter, within a month or so. It can feel like a really long time when you’re going through it – a lifetime at some points. But being ‘forgotten’ by someone that quickly just doesn’t happen – you won’t be forgotten if you give your ex some space.

Actually – as you’ll see it might even end up being a benefit to you! Your ex might start to take more blame for any of the bad times between the two of you when she sees things with a clearer head, having less time to rehash old arguments or quick digs with you.

”What if she moves on and starts dating someone else?!“

What if your ex girlfriend starts dating someone else on the other hand? Well, there’s no way I’m going to tell you that wouldn’t hurt if it starts happening. But on the flip side, do you really believe for a second you could stop it just by sending her numerous texts, and calling her 3 times a day? All that would do is make you look needy and desperate, it really wouldn’t stop your ex from looking at someone else.

Fear not though! Most quick moves on another person will more than likely be badly thought out, rebound hook-ups that won’t go anywhere, and would never have the legs to go anywhere. You just have to have faith in yourself being the better man at the end of the day, and winning her back. Which is especially likely if you go through the steps in this article all the way through!

Stay off of her social media accounts. That includes no stalking, no direct messages about your feelings or how you’re doing today, no asking who is that new guy in her pictures. None of that.

The temptation to jump into contact with her would just be too great. It can be mentally tiring enough to get on with your own life and routine after a breakup. After all you’ll now have extra hours of time to fill, which you would previously block out to spend with her.

Also, you’ll be mentally torturing yourself with every new thing that appears on her profile. You know you will, so do your mental health a favour and stay off it.

The other risk with spying on her in this way is that you might let slip that you have been obsessing over her by mentioning something about her that you’d only know if you were actively refreshing her profile every hour to one of your other joint friends.

At this point you’re trying to work on rebuilding and improving your own life, and increasing your value in her eyes. Nothing screams desperation more than asking about information you can’t know without some in-depth stalking time.

Don’t ask her family or friends what she’s getting up to. This ties up directly to the last point, it’s the same problem with being too involved in your ex girlfriend’s life still.

This one is especially difficult if you guys share a few common friends who you both see regularly, and would continue to see, or are close with some of her family members in a more relaxed/social setting. If your ex-girlfriend does come up, you’ll have to be strong and change the subject:

“Look, I really hope she’s doing ok right now, I just think we both need some time to recover and focus on ourselves for a while.”

Saying that should be enough to politely move the conversation on, so you don’t get sucked into jealousy or being obsessively curious about your ex and what she’s getting up to without you.

If you’ve been thinking about your ex enough that you feel the need to ask her friends or family about her and what she’s doing, then that is a clear sign you’re still in stalking mode.

This will lower your value instantly. Think about it from her side; the relationship ended and instead of you taking the time to heal, recover, and move on – you’re spending your time obsessing over her still!

Behaviour like that is giving her way too much power. It can be tempting and difficult to resist this type of behaviour, but again it’s something that you need to avoid at all costs, if you can.

As a final point on this one. If you’ve just spent a lunch asking a joint friend what your ex is getting up to and if she’s seeing anyone new, what do you think they would do immediately after you ask these questions?

That’s right, they’ll go and tell your ex directly. They might even be doing it in the background while you’re asking!

Now though – give yourselves both some time to cool off. I recommend around a month, we’ll go over more info on that in a bit.

“Well, what am I supposed to do in the meantime!?”

That’s what we’re going to be talking about again, right… now.

Step 3 – You Must Become The Alpha Male!

“You must become the alpha male!” Simple, right?

Wait, WHAT!?!

What… does that… even mean!?

“You have to become the alpha male”…

“Riiiight… and I’ll get right on that… how exactly?!”

This is one of those pieces of advice that sound very promising… but really – what does that mean? How do you learn something like that?!

Now I don’t know where you’re starting from yourself, but I am writing this guide to be for benefit and use of all guys wanting to win their ex girlfriend back, so for now let’s assume you aren’t the biggest alpha of your group.

How do you know where you stand on the ‘Alpha Male’ scale, you might be wondering?

Well, there are a few characteristics that make up an alpha male. It might sound cheesy but a quick way to wrap up these qualities is to think of a James Bond-esque character. Someone who is just able to handle things, isn’t shy about being there and being noticed, and makes sure the world around him knows it.

How do you know where you stand? You can start by thinking about these points. In your group of friends:

• Do you make all the decisions in the group, and does everyone else wait for you to weigh in on important topics or plans?
• When chat fades around a specific topic, does everyone look to you to continue the conversation, or to start talking about something completely new?
• Are you always able to be comfortably confident, no matter the situation you’re in, or what is being thrown at you? Alphas don’t lose their cool – they don’t let that happen.
• Are you the one who is always making plans on what the group are going to do next?
• If you are out walking with your friends, and you turn down a different street than usual, would your friends FOLLOW you?
• If you meet someone new, do your friends wait for you to judge them and see how they’d fit in with your group?
• Are you always the one to start new trends, and get the jokes out into the group first?

If you answered ‘no’ to most of the above, you probably aren’t the alpha male of that group. Don’t worry, that is what we’re going to talk about next and give you ways you can work on this, to become more alpha!

Following The Leader

You are a creature of habit. This goes for everyone. If you aren’t the alpha male right now in your group of friends, and aren’t comfortable taking on that role when you need to, then you’ll likely find this a tough habit to break in both social and dating settings.

What I mean is if you aren’t the alpha leader it would feel quite weird to start shouting plans at your friends, just for practise to make yourself more attractive to your ex. They might wonder where this new, “super socially confident” version of you came from!

So how do you become ‘more alpha’, and how do you break this habit of not being the leader of your group? Again, with smaller, easy to manage steps in this direction, which allow you to start building these skills.

So what you need to do is – practise these traits with a new group of friends!

Remember that new club or group I recommended you join? Start talking to more people there.

Aside: A great one here is the gym by the way. There’s often guys there who aren’t used to the gym atmosphere, so will feel less confident and therefore more likely to look for a leader to help them out.

Start talking to a third person there together and there you have it! You’re now a group – a group that will need a social leader. A group that YOU can be the alpha of.

Start small, lead the conversation – be the one to initiate plans with them as a group, even very casual plans.

“Hey, let’s all go for a coffee after the session today.”

“There’s a party happening near mine tonight, let’s go and check it out.”

As I say, little steps again – you don’t have to move the world.

The important thing at this point is you make sure that you display these alpha characteristics we talked about above.

Make the decisions, lead the topics of conversations, make the plans for the group.

This will make you more confident being the alpha male so you can build those leadership attributes.

Since we’re mostly set in our ways, socially speaking, it might feel unnatural to start doing these things. But they are possible! The only reason you aren’t a leader in your current group of friends is because you’ve settled on another role. Maybe you’re the funny one, or the smartest one, but it doesn’t take much to be the alpha of the group – just action to take the lead every time.

When you get this right, others in your group will be waiting (even subconsciously) for you to take the reigns and start the chat about a new topic. If you aren’t used to this happening, you need to get used to it.

Get used to making the decisions in the group, telling the jokes, leading when you go out, being confident at all times – run the group and get used to it.

It doesn’t take long to get this behaviour to become your normal habit – and it’s very important. These alpha qualities need to be automatic when you are in social situations to be at peak attractiveness.

Fake It, Until You Make It

Of course, this all comes with a heavy dose of fake it until you make it. You will spend some time feeling like this is new to you, and that’s fine! We all get that when we’re learning something new.

This, of course, includes ‘faking’ it with all the physical attributes that make up an alpha male. Body language that conveys confidence, and openness, rather than closed off body language. So you must maintain:

• Strong, consistent eye contact showing confidence around other people, and that you’re more open to accept trust;
• A friendly smile to demonstrate that you’ll welcome others, even strangers, comfortably;
• Tall and open posture which tells others that you’re happy to take up space, not trying to go unseen by others. You want people to notice you after all;
• Open arms and legs to further demonstrate that you aren’t closed off, but willing to welcome others into your world.
• Eliminating all fidgety gestures in any situation. No matter where you are, you are comfortable and happy to take on new experiences.

That’s just to name a few! If you want more detail on body language in general, and why posture, etc, is important – drop me a comment or an email, and I’ll create a write-up around this topic also.

Remember – All It Takes Is 3

If you are the leader of a group of 3, any group of 3, you will get used to that feeling of being the alpha of that group.

Let these alpha habits become ingrained in you, and take them with you when you get back with your ex again, even little things like being decisive over what drinks you’re going to get when you meet for a coffee, how you handle interactions with the waiters, these are all alpha qualities you need to show off.

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Step 4 – Boost Your Own Appearance and Fashion Sense

Now I said before that women don’t value appearance as much in dating as men do… but that’s not to say you can’t work on this to give yourself even more of an edge does it!

If it has been some time since you looked at your own style, fasion sense, interior decorating in your home even, this is the time to put these things back on your radar.

Well… What Kind of Things?

At this point, it can be literally anything. For starters though, you can use your ex (and memories of your time with her) to your advantage.

Think back to the movies you watched most that she picked out, were there recurring themes in the style, and the look, of the hero actors in these films?

Did they all have the ‘charming and funny’ attitude down, or were they all the strong, rugged type?

It’s no surprise that, for both women and men, we get drawn to films where we find the characters and styles involved attractive, in addition to the storyline.

(Strictly an example) Was your ex not not interested in any film with violence, but always wanted to watch the Bourne films? Maybe there was a bit of a Matt Damon type in her mind that she liked.

Even better – did she ever tell you what her type of guy typically was – and do you match this style? If you don’t, you could look at making small changes to appear a bit more like that type of guy.

After all, if your ex girlfriend had a specific style in mind for her ideal partner, what better step could you take to become more physically attractive to her than mould some of that style into your own life!

Like with all of the above points though, start with small changes you’re comfortable with here – don’t start by wiping out all hints of your own self.

“Nah, I like my style too much to alter any of it.”

Yeah? If that’s what you’re thinking right now – no problem!

Having your own style is important, I’m definitely not saying that it’s not or that you should completely change it to win your ex girlfriend back. In this case then – can you spend some time to improve your version of your style?

What I mean here is that sure – you might have your own style in mind, but if you don’t keep an eye on what’s going on with fashion, style, and everything else that’s related to it, you might be missing out on some improvements that you could be making.

Where can you start in this case?

You’ve Heard of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”, Right?

I’m sure you’ve heard of the show, but just in case you’re not familiar with the whole premise:

The show follows one person’s journey, from rags to style riches almost, as they’re guided through a number of improvements on their own style, appearance, and even living space!

They don’t completely wipe out the person and their own style, but instead they take the time and effort to polish all the rough edges and make the person on the show much more stylish, and more up to date on recent style trends.

You can do this exact same thing, but without breaking the bank, or having to go on national television to get the same result.

For your hair (and I’m including facial hair here), do this: go to a well reviewed, imaginative hairdresser and say…

“I’ve got my own style going on, but I’d like to see what you could do to improve it.”

Then, you let them work their magic.

To be honest, most guys don’t ever do this and leave their style up to a stylist. You might even have got your style kind of settled down in high school, and just tweaked little bits here and there to make it easier to manage.

When you think about it though, it’s a stylist’s job to go through a great version of this! They get paid to improve and tweak styles to make them more modern, more attractive, and easier to maintain. Most of the time they’ll do a better job than guys will do, who don’t pay attention to modern styles.

Worst case, you have to wait a couple of weeks for your hair to get back to where it was when you went in. I would definitely say this is worth going through that time.

The same goes for your wardrobe.

Most decent sized stores have personal shoppers, who can always offer suggestions on what clothes you could try out to bring out the best in your appearance. Again, this doesn’t need to cost the earth, and you will probably get a whole new outfit which is very attractive on you. Worth the time to get this done, I’d say.

Going through these steps means you are literally going through a queer eye for the straight guy makeover, on your very own schedule. Do the same for your fitness if you need to – get a few sessions with a personal trainer at the gym. Also, for your home (you do want to bring your ex back to your home eventually, right?) – bring in an interior designer and get them to suggest what you could do to make better use of the space in your home.

All of these steps are ideal for boosting your attractiveness across a range of topics – from fashion and appearance, even out to home decoration.

“I have no idea what my style is, or where to start!”

Don’t know what a ‘well put together’ style looks like?

Again, no problem! To be honest there a lot of guys in this situation.

So where do you start with this one – by going for what the masses are most interested in at the current time.

And for this I mean – magazines.

Start by picking up modern, popular fashion magazines and find some looks that a) you are comfortable with, and b) think would help with your attractiveness and would be looks that would suit you. Then, simply go through the steps above and get in touch with a good stylist who can point you in the right direction.

Believe me – you won’t go far wrong, and just might end up with a new style and look that you really love.

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Step 5 – Establish Proper Contact Again, As The ‘New You’

At this point, you should have taken the last month or so to give your ex girlfriend some space, while working on yourself to make sure you’re the best version of ‘you’ that you can be right now (and still having a few plans in your mind about how to continue to improve yourself over the coming weeks and months).

So how do you get back in touch with her? You do this, casually

Think about this from your ex girlfriend’s mind. She won’t have heard from you, perhaps at all but certainly not much, in the last month. But in the background she will definitely have been noticing things.

Everyone pretends they don’t stalk their ex partners online… but then everyone does.

Everybody wants confirmation that they’re ‘winning’ after the breakup.

Your ex definitely will be stalking you, in any way they can. After a breakup people want to know they made the right decision, they want to know that they are doing better than you in handling the end of the relationship – because this would confirm to them that they made the right decision.

So imagine your ex-girlfriend’s surprise when she sees you, not moping about posting quotes about how much breaking up hurts, but instead…

“Wait a minute… are they having a better life now, without me? Am I missing out… on them?”

This is exactly where you want your ex partner to be.

So – knowing this, how do you casually get back in touch?

You sent a brief message, email, whatever suits you guys best and what you used to use the most. This message will be a short ‘reintroduction’ while at the same time, implying that you’ve got something good coming up.

“Hey, how’s it going stranger?! Thought I’d say hey and check in. I’ve been moved in work since I’m doing more projects with my manager and turns out she is a massive Pink fan, just like you! Was in stitches when she started reciting lyrics like you used to. Hope all is well with you?”

This message not only kick starts the communication again, but it also confirms that things are going well for you! After all why would you be working more with your manager, if not because your career is going well and you are being eyed up for more opportunities.

Now of course you’ll have to alter this message to match what you’ve got going on for you, but that is the atmosphere you should be creating. Casual, and outlining that things are going well for you.

If you’re struggling to get in proper touch with your ex again, check out my tips on what to do if your ex won’t talk to you. That’ll steer you in the right direction to get communication kicked off again between you both.

Next, keep in touch infrequently – you’ve got a busy life going on now remember – then take the time to set up a meeting.

This, again, should be casual. A ‘casual date’ if you want. You don’t want to message saying that you have regrets about the breakup and want to restart things.

No no no no. Instead, you want to set this as something is happening in a joint interest you guys share.

Say you’re both keen on coffee (me too – aeropress ftw by the way!) and you know a place is opening up near the two of you.

“I’ve been wanting to check out that new coffee place, but nobody I train with likes real coffee! We should go check it out, I’ll even tell you which coffees are the best of course :p”

That should be plenty to get your ex secretly wanting to meet up with you. Yes, she might play it that she isn’t really interested. But in truth she will be very keen to see this new version of you in real life, and size you up again.

Step 6 – Remember to Flirt

Now – when you do meet up (and start meeting up more often if all things are going well!) remember that you aren’t coming back into her life to be her best friend.

You need to recreate that spark that you both had for each other at the start of your relationship. This includes – flirting!

Start to do this slowly, you don’t want to leap straight in with stroking her hair while you’re at the counter getting ready to place that coffee order!

Begin with light touches on the arm, genuine laughs when something funny comes up, and keeping up all that alpha behaviour to make sure she starts looking at you like a potential partner again.

She’s already got her girl friends to gossip with – you should be there to flirt with her.

If things are going well with this, pick up the pace a little, and flirt a little more. If she starts to feel uncomfortable (you’ll know this by her body language), start to move back and give her more space.

Flirting at this point is like a two steps forward, one step back sort of game. Heck it might even be two or three steps back if you push too hard.

You just have to go by how she’s responding to any flirting, and make sure you don’t push too hard to leap back into a relationship.

The discussion around getting back together will come about naturally as the next meetings and dates start happening. It is almost like the natural progression, and it can happen for you too.

The Alpha Effect – It Doesn’t Need Much

Phil’s Story (yes, real name used!)

The reason I’ve been saying thoughout is that these changes you make don’t have to be massive changes, is because it’s entirely true!

Womena are very in tune to a guys general aura, and the atmosphere they are giving off. Are they confident and doing well, or are they mopey and feeling down and weakened? Take the ‘alpha male’ attributes as an example.

Giving out this Alpha Aura might sound like a lot of work. In truth though, it doesn’t take much to have a massive impact.

Recently I was emailing with a guy who was getting back with his ex-girlfriend. He’d gone through most of the points I’d outlined above, and had been very involved in becoming a more ‘alpha’ type of guy.

He then managed to get talking to his ex again, and they met up during the afternoon for a coffee and an impromptu walk (another good quality in a guy by the way – being spontaneous and exciting. If she gets a good surprise when she’s out with you – this is a great quality!).

When they were out walking they were shocked when a man came running around the next corner to them on the other side of the road, who then crossed over and was running directly towards them!

Now, he told me that in that moment, ‘old’ Phil would have just let things play out. The guy would run towards them and he would interact (in whatever way!) with whoever he chose to – whoever he got to first. In this case it might have been him, it might have been his ex.

But in that moment he was feeling very alpha, and very in control. So instead he took a literal decisive step in front of his ex girlfriend, and made it clear this runner would be meeting him first.

The actual interaction with the runner itself was an everyday meeting, and was almost non-eventful. He asked for the time, made a comment about the weather and ran off. As it turns out he was just a jogger out for a run, who had lost track of time!

Before that though, Phil and his ex didn’t know what was going on. They just saw a strange man running towards them.

Now this might not sound like much, and to be honest Phil said he didn’t think much of it either. That is until weeks later, when his ex (now girlfriend again) told him that that was the moment where:

She felt that he would keep them both safe.

That is the ‘Alpha effect’ in full force.

Now, as I hinted at, he did in the end win her back and he likely wouldn’t want to ask his now girlfriend at this point directly, but I believe that this would have been the moment that she started to feel attracted to him again.

The sentence alone is very powerful – that was the moment when she started to feel safe with him around.

There was literally a stranger running towards her, and Phil made her feel safe in a very Alpha way!

That is more than enough to make a girl wonder if there is now more to this guy than she was thinking. As I said before:

You don’t have to change your world, just little tweaks in a few directions.

This is why you don’t have to rework your whole entire world – it just takes one small moment of alpha behaviour.

Instead, the alpha kicked in and he stepped in front of her and met the runner head-on. He asked for the time, they had a brief chat and he jogged off.

That – was – enough.

She later told him that she found that very attractive – she felt safe even though a stranger was literally running towards them. That was the starting point for rekindling the relationship.

More Detail Please – I Still Have Questions!

If you need more info, sign up for our free guide on how to win your ex girlfriend back. We then have an email series that will start going over all of the steps above (as well as the reasons for most relationships to end, revealed) in much more detail.

If this sounds like it would be useful to you, download our report here and get started.

Otherwise, what other questions do you have?

Feel free to post them as a comment below and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.