One of the hardest things to do after a breakup is making your ex talk to you.
Moreover, people get so confused about what to do after a break up that they end up messing things even further in a lot of ways. This can be the a result of an inner desire that makes you want to talk to them and at the same time you experience an urge of yelling at your ex to stop ignoring you.
“Why is it always me reaching out first? Why can’t they get in touch with me?!”
Right now you are in a situation in which you aren’t sure how to get your ex to talk to you first, which is why we have a step by step solution for you. So, if your goal is to make your ex stop ignoring you, we’ve got some tips to get you there.
First – Why This Is Important When Winning Your Ex Back?
So – why can’t you always be the one reaching out to your ex to start the chat? You’re still talking to them, right?
Well, we are human beings and we definitely can’t function as happily as we could without human interaction and communication. It allows us to express ourselves to one another through verbal means or gestures, attitude or even posture.
This is very true between you and your ex partner
In relationships, communication is crucial in order to maintain a healthy communion. But in the case of a break up, it is best to stop communication for a period of time in order to accept and analyse your ex’s words and accept the fact that they are hurt. Furthermore, this is an important step to make if you are attempting to determine your ex talk to you first and try mending your relationship.
But – if you’re always the one reaching out to start the dialogue… you aren’t really sharing the idea of keeping in touch, you’re doing all the work yourself! This is even more complicated if your ex has actually blocked you online, and you need to get unblocked before you can start.
So you need to change that, and get your ex to reach out to you more, before you can think about getting back together with them.
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Why Is Your Ex Ignoring You?
Let’s say you already tried to contact your ex after the break up, a normal approach for almost all of us. And the reality slapped you: your ex ignored you. So, what should you do in this situation and how to get your ex to talk to you first?
Before you get to the attempt to re-establish communication between you two, you will first have to put the finger on the reason why your ex is ignoring you. With this information, you will have the means to make your ex talk to you first. Some reasons include:
They are annoyed or frustrated
One of the most common reasons is, of course, the fact that you tried too much to keep in touch with your ex and they started to get annoyed at this. As an example, if you have been in the situation where you send message after message in order to get your ex talk to you.
Well, you might have been doing this with the best of intentions, but the truth is that reaching your ex immediately after the break up (especially if you do this over and over again!) can tend to become irritating and gives the impression that you are begging for attention.
This goes against one of the main things I tell people should be their goal, or target, after being in a breakup:
No matter what – you need to keep your own self-worth, and attractiveness, high!
Your ex is going through their own feelings of hurt
This is a credible reason. Your ex might be hurt due to the break up or because of something you did prior to that.
In this case, your ex might be ignoring you to teach you a lesson, all because you hurt their feelings.
They are trying to gain control over the situation
Well, you are reading this with the hope of getting your ex to talk to you first. It is possible that your ex is in exactly the same position!
Maybe your ex is trying to get to the same goal, after realising they made a mistake in letting you go. In this case, you’re both trying to achieve the same result, and to be honest when these types of situations do come up it can be a good sign.
After all, if your ex is trying to go through similar steps to heal, recover, and win you back… and isn’t that your goal also!?
Closure
Consider the fact that your ex might ignore you because he or she is trying to move on.
The best approach to new beginnings is to cut out everything from your past that might influence you in your decision. Hence, the silent treatment.
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How To Get Your Ex To Talk To You First
Well, it can take a lot of patience and strength to not get in touch with your ex during the time immediately after the breakup.
But the best approach to get your ex to talk to you first is, as you might guess, to give your ex-partner space for emotions to cool off.
Allowing your ex to get some perspective over the overall situation, might turn out to be in your advantage because it has the power to trigger the undeniable curiosity in regards to your persona.
Your biggest ally in this case is curiosity.
It is in our nature to want to know more about things that seem interesting, which is why if you boost your image and make it appear exciting and dynamic, will pull back your ex into your life.
So, to give you some examples you can start bringing into your daily life, here is a step by step plan that will help you create a veil of curiosity around you and determine your ex to talk to you first.
# Step I – implement the no contact rule
As mentioned above, it is extremely important to avoid contact immediately after a breakup. Taking your power back is key in the power play that happens after separation, so you will have to completely ignore the situation and your ex.
No messaging, phone calls or any kind of contact allowed!
If you are prepared to give reasons why you shouldn’t do this, you should read why it is recommended to not contact your ex immediately after the breakup as it follows. First of all, you need time to heal and gain perspective over the things that went wrong in your relationship.
Also, making your ex miss you, will get the desired result and determine he or she to contact you first.
Allow a couple of weeks to pass by with no contact between you two. This will transmit a signal saying you are not planning to be a plan B, but rather you want to be won back because you deserve it!
# Step II – if your ex contacts you, act casual
A common mistake after a relationship breaks, is getting overly excited when your ex contacts you. After the no contact period, your ex will likely reach out to check up on you.
Anyhow, the key to get his or her attention is to be as calm and detached as you can.
This will intrigue them and stir up curiosity.
And if you add in the discussion the fact that you have been up to interesting things, your ex will surely consider re-establishing connection and communication.
# Step III – stir up that curiosity
Both step two and three are corelated. The key to get your ex to talk to you first is to stir up curiosity and focus on your wellbeing.
The best approach to get noticed by your ex is to go out with your friends, attend parties or other types of social events, where you will be surrounded by a bundle of people.
In this manner, people will see you are fine, happy and spending time with your loved ones, while the word will reach your ex that you are great on your own.
Also, in order to get your ex to talk to you first, it might be a great idea to use social media to post pictures of fun activities you are doing, while checking in at some social events might add an extra touch of curiosity.
# Step IV – let your ex chase you
So, you went through all this trouble to make your ex talk to you first, but you will have to remember the fact that the goal here is to underline how important you were in your connection.
Thus, it is a great idea to allow your ex to chase you, after he or she made contact. An extra touch of mystery didn’t hurt anyone!
# Step V – And if we already mentioned mystery …
Your ex talked to you first, but it might be because he or she was bored. So, it’s crucially important at this point to stick to the plan – promote curiosity and add mystery to your re-established communication.
It is highly recommended to resist the urge to tell your ex everything that happened in your life in the time you were apart.
This will get your ex intrigued and make him or her contact you again on their own. Cheers to the intriguing mystery that will make your ex talk to you first and chase you all the more!
The main point is that getting your ex talking to you first doesn’t have to be complicated.
All you have to do is resist the desire to make contact, while adding a veil of mystery around you.
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Curiosity is key in this power game and will give you the desired result: your ex contacting you first. We admit it might seem a bit hard at first, especially if you have strong feelings for your ex, but cutting all ties will allow you to heal and accept the hurt.
Also, this will help both of you in setting up a healthier communication that you previously had in your relationship, leading to unexpected results.
So, if you are wondering how to get your ex to talk to you first, these are the steps that we’ve seen be the most effective.
What are your thoughts? Have you been through a similar situation and managed to get your ex to start chasing you? Let me know in the comments!
Talk to you soon!
Amber
