The Kardashian Marriage – What We Can Learn

72 days… that kind of sums it up doesn’t it?

Yes, the marriage between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries has come and gone, lasting only 72 days and leaving many people wondering, ‘so what happened there?’ But instead of all the questions, lets take a look at what we can learn (sorry Kim) from other peoples ‘mistakes’. This can be worth it to help others and make sure people avoid making similar blunders. So what could we do differently…

Let The Relationship Grow Before Jumping In

Give or take a few weeks, Kim and Kris had apparently been dating for about six months before getting married. For something as serious as this, six months just isn’t long enough to really figure out if you’re both ready for that kind of commitment. Yes, there are some special cases where spontaneous marriages have lasted for years, but people can change and you need a decent time together to see if you as a couple really can roll with the punches… because they will happen. To really get to know someone and whether or not you’re going to be a match can take years, so jumping into such a serious decision so quickly isn’t a good idea.

There’s another thing to keep in mind as well – that if you later find out your other half has some very annoying habits you might want to call quits on the wedding at the last minute. If you don’t know what you’re getting into, then you don’t know what you’re getting into! Take enough time and give serious decisions the respect they deserve. After all, you wouldn’t want to be ending up with some ‘irreconcilable differences’ now would you?…

Know Who You’re Marrying, And Make Sure They Know You

One of the reported reasons the marriage broke up has been that Kris wanted to move outside the city in search of a quieter life, whereas Kim wasn’t having any of it and wanted to live in LA. Yes, this is another example of letting your relationship develop properly over time before any serious commitments, but it’s also a case of being genuine to your partner.

Serious, life-changing events shouldn’t change either person OR your situation unless it was decided upon beforehand. I’ve heard from lots of people where a relationship broke down because one person believed a commitment like marriage gave them a ‘they are mine now’ mindset, almost a feeling of ‘I can be who I really am now and demand what I want from my partner’.

Looming serious commitments can lead to one partner fooling the other into believe they someone they’re not, just to get the tie of a ring onto their finger. This is not the way to look at these decisions, because there is always another option for the other person – they can head straight for divorce, no matter how serious the relationship has become.

Big Decisions Need The Right Reasons

In a marriage that apparently netted the duo $18 million through various magazine deals, television coverage and other endorsements (and proving yet again that love can’t be bought), you might be asking how this could possibly relate to you. Well, you may not have someone dangling $18 million in front of you to commit to something – but maybe social pressures or family nagging might force you to make a decision you’re not really happy with.

If you ever feel pressured by someone else to make a decision, or even if you’re tempted by something like money, remember that decisions made for the wrong reasons always come back to bite you in the end, and it’s important to never settle in your relationships, especially when it comes to a serious commitment. If you don’t do justice to your own choices – you might have to spend a lot of time later erasing past mistakes in a quest to make you happy again.

And finally…

Stop Watching, Start Doing!

There is a growing trend that people are getting more and more comfortable with – the idea of watching someone else live their whole life! Watching someone else on a reality TV show can be a bit of escapism, it can relax us and take our minds away from our stresses, and give us a needed break from time to time. But if you find yourself constantly watching Kim and her dating ‘struggles’ on TV, or idolizing someone who is losing weight on a health show, or anything else like that – it might be time to stop watching other people, and start doing things for you!

When was the last time you took a real look at your own goals in life? Are you any closer to creating your dream lifestyle? If not, take some time to think about where you want your life to be heading, and start taking the necessary steps to get there.

Leave the TV ‘stars’ to their own lives. Stop watching, start doing!

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Relationship Standards – What Are Yours?

Setting Your Standards High!

We put a lot of thought into relationships, from date ideas and tips to trying to figure out “what they meant when they said…?” But your relationships with others will be greatly improved if you take the time to think about your preferences in dating, and what are the standards that you have. Are your standards high enough, or are you selling yourself short?

It’s a case of ‘know yourself’. Know your preferences – understand what you like, expect and accept from others. It always comes down to your standards. Do you have a clear image of what they are? Do you always know what you’re looking for in a relationship, or do you just follow the pattern so many people have, the ‘that’ll do attitude’…

The “That’ll Do” Attitude

This is a key trap that many people fall into that holds back their relationships and friendships, sometimes for years. It’s almost an attitude of “I’ll take what I can get, because I don’t want / I’m too scared to try for something more” – people can get into this mindset in all areas of their life, and relationships are no exception.

This type of thinking often stems from a lack of confidence. A lack of belief that people can do better than they’re currently doing. You may be surprised if I tell you that this type of thinking is actually more common in men rather than women. However, for both men and women, the amount of damage this type of thinking can do is often massive.

The two main thoughts that lead to this:

1 – ‘Well, I’ve already got a partner… and they’re OK I suppose… so why risk losing everything on someone new?’

2 – ‘I’m not happy where I am, but I’m too afraid to step out and take a chance – to go after what I really want.’

Both very challenging mindsets right? Well by taking a look at your preferences, these thoughts can be put out of your mind, so that you can avoid the problems this type of thinking can cause.

The Problems “That’ll Do” Can Lead To:

Being in a relationship that you’re not completely invested in, is not something that’s easy to hide. Sooner or later your partner would start to notice that you don’t really want to work on the relationship, and maybe all your time and energy that is being invested is actually being wasted instead.

Also, it’s not fair on either person if someone is pretending that they’re happy in the relationship if they really aren’t. It would be better to simply say that you’re both looking for different things, and end the relationship rather than staying in a romance that could be very unstable and come to an end unexpectedly.

What Are Your Standards In Dating?

So, lets take a look at your preferences, and how much attention you should be paying to your standards.

Yes for men it’s no shock that appearance plays a big part, so are you looking for women that mesh with your image of your perfect girlfriend? Or are you simply going to bars and clubs hoping to find a woman “that’ll do” for just now?

For women, are the men you’re attracting fitting the ideal personality you want in a man? If not, are you going to the wrong places to meet men? Or (and often even more importantly), are you giving out the wrong kind of impression when you do meet men that makes them see you in a different light to how you really are as a person?

The more you know about your preferences, the better equipped you’ll be to keep your standards high and your relationships more fulfilling.

So to really get to know your own territory, ask yourself these questions and, ideally, find the time to write down the answers:

  • What kind of behavior do you accept in others?
  • What would you never accept?
  • Do you have strong, clear goals in life, and are those around you helping you reach them?
  • Do you often talk to people who share your sense of humor, and views in general?
  • And if you don’t, could you cut back on the time you spend with others who don’t encourage and motivate you?
  • What kind of behavior do you find appropriate?
  • What is never appropriate to you?
  • Where would you most likely meet your ideal partner?
  • How much time do you spend their currently?
  • What could you change in your life so you’d be be able to spend more time there, and have more chance connecting with your ideal partner?

After you’ve come up with your answers, it might be a bit of an eye-opener… are you going to places where you’d meet this kind of person just now? Or are you going out in the usual haunts just because it’s what all your friends are doing, and you don’t want to step out of your comfort zone and go hunting for your ideal partner?

Like everything, changing your behavior, altering your patterns, raising your standards – are all things that at the beginning might seem a little scary. But if you really invest some energy into structuring your life so that the people you spend time with are more on your level, and you’re more likely to have a meaningful relationship with – I’m sure you’ll wonder why you didn’t do this sooner!

Oh, and since you’ll be looking to date these new, amazing people who come into your life and really wow them with your imagination, check out this guide for 300 great date ideas! I’m sure that with 300 ideas and great dates under your belt for use, not only will you be bringing quality people into your life, you’ll find it very easy to keep them there too!

Click Here to see if these 300 great date ideas catch your eye, I think you’ll be very pleasantly surprised by the selection! 🙂

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Relationship Behavior – The Parent Group

The Relationship Archetypes

I was going through a magazine recently and found an article that was very useful for relationships… it was the idea of the ‘roles’ we bring to every relationship we’re in, and how these can be grouped into different archetypes. Now if you’re thinking this doesn’t sound important, these characteristics actually play a huge part in our behavior, and are often the reasons behind many of the successes a relationship has, as well as many of the fights or arguments.

These groups don’t just give you ideas about what you can start to notice and even learn to control within yourself, they can also help you spot certain traits in others and let you know what to expect if you get into a relationship with them. Want to never be flustered or confused by something your partner does or their behavior in general? Understanding their core personality is one of the most important steps behind this 😉

In this post we’re going to take a look at the first group – the ‘head of the household’ if you want to call them that – “The Parent”.

The Head Of The Family

As you can probably tell from the name alone – this group are more the ‘in-control’ type of person in a relationship. In life they are used to looking after everything, and to an extent looking after other people as well, and they often bring these aspects to their relationships.

As well as looking after people, they are often the ones that feel responsible for meeting the needs in the relationship. From planning dates to getting over any problems you’re both having, the parent tries to be the one who makes decisions. But with that often comes a downside:

Who Makes ALL The Decisions?

The need to make decisions or ‘fix’ things in the relationship can lead to “the parent” being very protective of their partner. The fact that they try to choose what happens or even what their partner does makes them feel very needed and important in the relationship. However, as they try to make more and more decisions, they might actually end up trying to decide things for the other person without asking them first!

This is often one of the main causes of arguments between a couple where one person takes on the role of the parent. By making decisions without discussing them together, this can often lead to repetitive fights that eventually wear on the relationship ending in a breakup. So while this protective nature does come from a good place, it often needs to be scaled back to keep the relationship happy and healthy, with a balance between both people involved.

Behavior like this could come from a core fear of losing control, or specifically the relationship getting out of control simply because they weren’t decisive enough at one time. But by trying to control too many things, they often force the other person in the relationship to behave more like a child, by removing their ability to make their own choices. To have a healthier relationship – the parent personality needs to work on letting things go, and giving their partner more control over the relationship and their lives in general.

What To Expect From ‘The Parent’

Positives:

  • Often has a strong head on their shoulders – the responsible person in the relationship who is able to think things through;
  • Very caring and often tries their best to use their resources to strengthen the relationship;
  • Willing to support their partner and stand up for them when they need help;
  • Usually organized and prepared – ready for anything.

Negatives:

  • Can attract ‘child-like’ partners they might need to baby-sit;
  • Often look to overpower their partner if they feel they’re making a mistake;
  • Removing the decision making from their partner can make their partner feel weak – often leading to arguments that could be prevented;
  • Being too organized and not flexible – sometimes need to learn how to let things go;
  • Being overly cautious could lead to them missing out on some more fun events.

What YOU Have To Be Aware Of If You’re Dating ‘A Parent’:

  • They can often try to be bossy and take control of the relationship;
  • When putting your points across or when you have something important to say, you’ll have to be more certain and assertive for them to be heard, otherwise they might just be ignored or skimmed over;
  • You will often have to work to convince them to do something different or adventurous to overcome any cautious nature.

What ‘A Parent’ Could Do To Improve Their Relationships:

  • Let other partner make decisions, and let them face the consequences if these decisions don’t pay off;
  • Learn how to let go of smaller choices that don’t need to be agonized over;
  • Start to trust their partner more and discuss things before acting;
  • Try to be more adventurous, and bring new things into the relationship to add some excitement and grow closer to each other.

Share Your Thoughts!

So there’s an overview of the parent personality type. What do you think? Do you know anyone who matches up with this archetype (maybe even you)? Leave a comment with your thoughts below! 🙂

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